I have known Jessica for over 15 years. I am not sure if I am qualified to write this. Normally there are two types of obituaries, those written about famous people from any walk of life, anyone can write those. |Then there are those written about ordinary people, but you have to be really close to write those don't you? In that I feel inadequate. So I will write it, but who will read it? Does that matter, not really...
There were times that we were really close and would talk every single day, but there were equally times that we would not speak for long periods of time, even a year, it was never that we fell out, we just didn't pick the conversation back up, but each time we spoke we carried on again like there hadn't been a gap.
Jessica led a difficult life,, born into a world that did not understand her, and she struggled to understand herself, she struggled often with self destruction, there were times she pleaded with me to put bets on, after banning herself from registering on gambling sites, I know i definitely wasn't the only way. Mentally she had a way of convincing me it was a good idea, though i never could bring myself to enabling it.
One of the ways in which she was self destructive, was that she was an arsehole to people around her, it's not the done thing, to say in an obituary, we sugarcoat people in death, I understand why. I don't understand why. Being an arsehole, was legitimately a part of who she was, sometimes justified, sometimes not, sometimes entertaining.
A big part of Jessica's identity was that she was a trans woman, something she struggled with herself, not that she was ever in denial, but she struggled with both her sexuality and gender identity more because she didn't always fit in neat boxes. After writing the last sentence I felt of deleting, but then I remained one one occasion someone asking her about her gender identity at the time, the response she gave was "Oh, I don't fucking know" That was the Jessica I knew.
Her difficulties, with her sexuality, gender identity and the addictions all played a part in forming the Jessica you will likely hear of in an other obituary. She was kind compassionate, trebled amd every injustice and would not take any prisoners, sometimes clinical, sometimes knee jerk but always complete and often at her own expense.
She had become more than comfortable with the person she had become, but always craved acceptance from others, her family and her political allies, and when she didn't get it, she tried to hide it, not always successfully.
We spoke about so many different things at length, but not all the time, in fact it been 10 months since we last spoke and I found of your passing as I was about to message you. I wanted to ask you as a trans woman, how to approach trans rights in your party, you would understand the importance of both, I regret that conversation we never had.
We had other conversations about trans rights and the left, I always felt inadequate in those discussions, how could I have anything of worth to add both to your lived experience and your meticulous research? Though i will fondly remember the laughter I gave you when I coined the phrase "transphobia is the last refuge of the bigot" something you enjoyed.
Is this the definitive truth of your life? No, probably not, but it is how I knew you.
Like so many in the trans community, you life ended way sooner than it should have, the irony being is you are the one I would have asked for the stats on that.
Trans lives matter, but this one a little more, Rest in Power (with sparkles)
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